Saturday, December 31, 2005
The Crazy Lady Next Door

As I've mentioned elsewhere (still quite havent figured out how to link a previous post) my neighbor is an extremely needy person. Really needy. For the most part I can deal with her but today? Give me a big fucking break you big emotional wreck.

I have no plans for this evening, and that is my choice. I do not like NYE, and made a very conscious choice to spend it by myself. I LIKE being by myself because I actually LIKE myself. Anyway.... so I come home this afternoon (yes, I went OUT!!) and she's knocking on my door like 2 seconds after I come in. And says to me "I didn't make any plans for tonight and don't want to be by myself. Can I hang out with you? I told her that I had no plans to entertain anyone but myself this evening and you could see she was not happy with that. First off lady: Get some fucking friends. I am not your social director. And maybe, learn some manners? Because that was fucking rude. I tried not to react, I know she's a loon. She asked if I would come help set up her phone/answering machine (she's incapable/unwilling to do this kind of shit). I tell her to knock on my door when she comes back from the store. 20 minutes later, I'm on the phone & she knocks and I tell her I'm on the phone, I'll be over in when I'm done. Not five minutes later she's at my door, crying that she fucked something up, WAH WAH WAH. And this is a 50+ year old woman.
So I go over & she's totally freaking out when really? Nothing was wrong. And she's still all freaking out, telling me not to leave. Honestly? I can't & more importantly, DON'T want to deal with whatever her problem is so I tell her I don't want to be there, I can't help her. She gets all offended, like her problems are my problems and how can I not want to help her? Three words for you: GET OVER IT!! I know she has some emotional problems so I feel kinda bad but more pissed off that's she's trying to make me part of her drama. I don't owe you a damn thing you crazy fucking bitch. God, needy people turn me off!!

On a totally unrelated note: I just read PREP by Curtis Sittenfeld & that was one TOTALLY GREAT & AWESOME book.

Until next year internet....

Friday, December 30, 2005
Another One Bites The Dust

Since I was awake from 2 a.m. to be 5 minutes before the alarm went off I had a lot of time to think deep deep thoughts. About my life over the past year. Where I've been, where I'm going (besides the bathroom). What I want. And you know what? I don't have a fucking clue. Is this just me or do you feel that way too? And is anyone sad to see 2005 come to a close? Certainley no one I know.

I was also thinking about this blog. It was about this time last year that I started reading them and was intrigued by the idea of starting my own. So I am extremely proud of myself for not only figuring it out but sticking to it. Many thanks to those of who visit me regularly: Rochester! Harvard! Janet! and anyone else who happens by here. I'M A BLOGGER, HEAR ME ROAR!

Thursday, December 29, 2005
Another Boring Post from The Capital of Boringville

Has time stopped? It feels like it. Actually feels more like "Groundhog Day" [I must confess, I've never seen that movie in it's entirety] -- the same thing over & over again. It's like the only thing that changes is the music on my not-an-ipod & and thankfully, my clothes. This is slow torture, being bored to death. BUT DO NOT DESPAIR adoring blog public (ok, now the boredom is affecting my sanity) I have managed to be pissed off & outraged by several things over the last 24 hours.

Number one on my hit list is Discover Card. Every time those annoying telemarketers call I tell them to stop calling. And you know what? They don't listen. And I've called Discover and have told them to take me off the list or I will cancel my card. Anyway, this MF'ing asshole calls last night and when I asked him where he was calling from told me to shut up. You know what I said? I said FUCK YOU DISCOVER CARD. I called to cancel my card & told them exactly why I was cancelling. And then this other dickwad gives me a hard time about cancelling. Like life cannot go on without having a Discover card. He tells me they'll take me off the call list & when I told him I requested that about 10 times before to no avail, he's all "but this time we mean it". Then tells me, well if you cancel your card now you will have to pay your balance in full within 10 days. All $34.95 that I owe. AND? I had to say, no shit, I want to cancel my card 20 times. Every time I said that he came up with another lameass reason why I shouldn't. If I wasn't so annoyed it would've been funny. So today begins the first day of my Discover-card-less life. I don't know if I can go on.

This next part is for those of you visiting my fair & wonderful city this week. I'm sure none of you actually read my blog but let's pretend that you do. First off, welcome to NYC. I hope you have a lovely stay & no one throws you in front of a subway train. As someone who works with the tourism industry, I know that would not be a good thing. That being said -- GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY WITH YOUR FAT ASS, MONGOLOID LIKE CHILDREN, FANNY PACKS & HOLIDAY SWEATERS. Do you see all these people who look really annoyed? Do you see how you and your brat pack are standing still while everyone else around you is moving? As in they are trying to get somewhere and you are BLOCKING THE DOOR/STREET? Do you know why they look so annoyed? No, I didn't think so, you are apparently as dumb as you look. FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY PEOPLE, PLEASE JUST MOVE. Thank you. Enoy your stay.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005
I'm So Fucking Bored

This is generally a slow time of the year here at TCTMPS but this is fucking ridiculous. I can't tell you the last time the phone rang with an actual business-related call and really? I haven't done a lick of real work in 3 weeks. I'm bored out of my fucking skull & hate just sitting here trying to kill time. At least there is no one here to look over my shoulder so I don't have to pretend to be working but still..... if I'm sitting around doing nothing I'd much rather be doing it at home than here. This morning I had to do my end of the month report but that took a whooping 15 minutes. Oh baby, can you stand the excitement? Last year I took this week off and went to SF. The year before that was actually kinda busy around here. Talked to my friend AB today and his company gives them this week off WITH PAY. Not instead of their vacation time but in addition too. Sweet. Have I mentioned that I am completely out of personal time?

Fuck, fuck, fuck, I'm so fucking bored. I mean, I love you internet and all but how many fucking blogs can you read? Especially since not a lot of bloggers are posting this week, as they seem to have lives. I seriously believe I set a world's record for blog reading yesterday. So if you come across my ISP in your stats about a million times you know why.

Ok, what's new that I can blog about? Because I have another 2.5 hours to go. How's this? I get an email from HS sweetie, he's busy, blah, blah, happy holidays, we'll catch up soon, blah, blah and what do I look like these days? We haven't seen each other in about a billion years so I'm curious as to what he's looking like these days. He said he has a pic up on classmates but I'm too cheap to join -- I'll wait until he sends me one.

You know I'm trying to work up a good head of steam and start ranting about something/anything but really? Am too bored to care.

Tuesday, December 27, 2005
A Freaking Holiday Miracle!

A MESSAGE TO THE PERVERTS who are coming here looking for young members of the male gender having some sort of biblical relations with spoons, ducks or each other, please go away and don't come back. You seriously disgust me & make me want to scrub my blog knowing your eyes have even looked here. Seriously. I hope your dicks get diseased and fall off.

For the rest of the internet, hello! Hope you had a nice holiday, and didn't get too many cheesy, cheap gifts that made you look at the giver and think "why did you bother to waste your money on THIS crap?" (I got one of those yesterday -- I was all like, next time? Just give me the $10). I digress. A miracle (well, the miracle of modern medicine anyway) occured this weekend. I was actually able to leave the house for a few hours!! Twice. Without alot of stress, anxiety & 20 immodiums. Sat. was my test run (a poop pun!), I headed up to my sisters house. My BIL made his yummy delicious sauce and we enjoyed a fabulous seafood dinner and yesterday, I went to the BF's house to do our present exchange. A big weekend for me, leaving the house wise. Also had a great surprise on Sun. my friend from MD was up in the area a bit unexpectedly so we got to hang out (without his loony wife). We watched "Festival Express", which if you are into the Dead, Band, Janis or 60's music movies, was pretty freaking great. Janis did a KILLER version of "Cry Baby" -- totally stole the show. Knowing that she died 2 months after the performance was shot made it that much more special. All in all, a much better weekend than I had anticipated. Here's keeping my fingers crossed for many more poop-free days!

Friday, December 23, 2005
Some Reasons Why I Should Quit Complaining & Just Be Grateful

I'm off to go kick some UNO ass.

Thursday, December 22, 2005
The Hot Stove

Sad to report that Elrod Hendicks, longtime player & coach for the Baltimore Orioles died yesterday. He spent more than 40 years in the O's organization, an achievement unlikely to be duplicated in today's world. From all accounts, a true gentlemen.

Yanks made a couple of moves in the last few days, most noticably the signing of CF Johnny Damon. I guess it's a big deal is because for the past four years Damon was with the Red Sox and was the "face" of the 2004 World Series Champion Boston Red Sox (oh, how it pains me to write that). It's not the first time a Red Sox player has come to the Yankees (see: Wade Boggs, Roger Clemens) but holy fuck, the way the tabloids & sports radio go on about it, it's THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT. I shouldn't be surprised, usually anything where the NYY or BRS are involved is treated as some act of aggression. Personally, I think with Damon's #'s, below average arm & ugly mug, the Yanks overpaid, but I'd rather start the season with Damon in CF, as opposed to say, Bubba Crosby. And at what point in your life do you drop the Bubba & use your real name? Which, by the way, is Richard. Yanks also signed Bernie to a one year deal. Glad to see Bernie will be back in the Bronx for another year. It's so rare these days when an athlete plays for one team his whole career. Where have all the Tony Gwynn's gone?

Ok, blogger is going all batty on me, I'm outta here.

Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Some Reasons Why 2005 Sucked

In no particular order:

Ok maybe 2005 wasn't as bad I thought. But I would like to get laid. And stop pooping. And be able to take the train.

Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Bah Humbug & I Mean It **

I hate this time of year. I hate Christmas, I hate Chanukah, I hate New Years... I am a non-denonimational hater of holidays. I hate all the hype & hypocricy. I hate the expectations & ultimate dissappointments. Peace & goodwill towards men? Yeah, like THAT's going to happen. ONE of the things I hate is how this time of year has turned into all about how much the retail industry can sucker you into buying. And people fall for this crap year after year. It's like they try to make up for all their shortcomings or whatever with just the "perfect" present. Each year people, who can ill afford to, go deeper and deeper into debt trying to create the "perfect" holiday. Guess what people? DOESN'T HAPPEN. All that happens is that the Walmart family has another 0 to add to their net worth. Oh, and your gonna be paying for that shit until next Christmas. And if you don't have family or loved ones to spend the holdiay with, what the fuck is so Merry about that?

I think I've spewed enough holiday hate for today. We'll get to New Years eve another time.

**I'm not kidding. And believe it or not, I had a very happy loving childhood with very fond holiday memories.

Monday, December 19, 2005
What's Up?

So Lisa, you say to me, you never did give us an update on what the HS sweetie has been up to. And it's been a couple of weeks. What's up with that? Well internet I don't know 'cause he never wrote/called with a follow up to his I have so much to tell you!!! email. What IS up with that? Should I email him again? Or is that too stalkerish?

My new, untarnished silverware arrived from (gotta love the O!) last week. I'm now the proud owner of 8 teaspoons! I'm thinking about putting GPS on them. Maybe Lojack.

This morning, right before the alarm went off (CURSES!) I was dreaming that me & the former crush shared a perfect kiss. A kiss so perfect that even a real life kiss with him would now pale in comparison. A kiss so full of love and promise that just thinking about... ok. Alas, it was only a dream.

If I hear one more christmas/holiday song I'm going to fucking scream. Call me Scrooge or the Grinch or what have you but people? Seriously? How many fucking times do you need to hear these songs? FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, PLEASE STOP ALREADY!! I already dread the holidays (see I am the Grinch) but being bombarded with all this holiday music ALL THE FUCKING TIME is making more EVEN MORE GRINCHIER.

Have you seen the NYT Sunday puzzle this week? I'm never gonna finish this one. Gahd. I hate when that happens.

Must get back to work. I hate it when that happens.

Sunday, December 18, 2005
The Dude Abides

Just saw The Big Lebowski for the first time! What a kick ass movie!

I HEART netflix!

Up next in the queue... Party of Five, S2.

Friday, December 16, 2005
What Could Have Been? What Should Never Be?

Had things gone differently I would be celebrating my 21st wedding annivesary today.

I don't regret getting married, and I don't regret getting divorced. Sometimes though I wonder what kind of life I would be leading if we had stayed together. Would I be the person I am today? I doubt that. What would I be like? What would my life be like? Where would I be living? What would I be doing? It's hard to even imagine the answers to these questions.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Where Are You?

I'm all by myself on my Frappr map! While I like to have my space, this is a little too much. Come play on my map! Yes, even you pervert from Saudi Arabia who did the search for young boy fucking spoons!
Pretty Please?

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Yes, you read that right. Someone did a search for YOUNG BOY FUCKING SPOONS and that led them to my entry about LOSING the fucking spoons. LOSING the fucking spoons, not FUCKING the spoons. I promise you I may post about some odd things but never about YOUNG BOYS FUCKING SPOONS. What does that mean? Is this something that young boys do? And other people enjoy watching?

This portion of the post is totally unrelated to the above. I say that because I don't want to start any rumors about Charlie Sheen watching YOUNG BOYS FUCK SPOONS, he already has enough problems. However, I did want to mention that I saw the show "Two & A Half Men" for the first time last night. It was OK on the funny meter but honestly I wasn't paying too much attention because I was totally fascinated by how much Charlie Sheen looks & sounds like his father. Spitting fucking image. Does anyone remember a movie from back in the good old days (talking 70's here) with Martin Sheen & Linda Blair called "Sweet Hostage?" He was a nut job who kidnapped Linda Blair and she eventually fell in love with him. Of course. I'm not sure how it ended, he probably got killed or carried off to the funny farm.

And on another totally unrelated note, I actually COOKED last night. Turned the oven and everything. More importantly, I didn't burn down the apt. And my chicken breasts came out tender & juicy. Oh, now I know that sentence will lead some other perverts to my site. Yes, this blog is all about me & my TENDER & JUICY BREASTS. 'Cause I'm just that kinda gal.

Monday, December 12, 2005
There's No Urgency in Emergency

2:30 a.m. Sat/Sun found me alone in the emergency room of a nearby hospital. Now it's bad enough to be in the ER, to be there alone was so... lonely. I know I could've called one of my sisters but I thought unless I was really dying or about to undergo surgery I didn't want to bother them. Unidentified stomach pain & vomitting (I never throw up!) and thoughts of appendicitis (WTF?) and other similiar scary things made me go. It was kinda surreal sitting in the ER, watching "ER". And let me tell you, none of the dr's I saw looked liked George Clooney. They didn't even look like the guy who-was-Baileys-best-friend-on-PO5. Seriously, this hospital could hands down win the "Ugliest Doctor" contest. The 2nd doctor I saw scared me with his ugliness -- you just know he was the loser-est of nerds back in HS. The kind of nerd that was so nerdy even the other nerds didn't want to be around him. The king of geeks if you will. Ugly + the bedside manner of a dead fish. Many, many hours later, after lots of probing and a CAT scan, I left, probably 6 million dollars poorer with no real diagnosis. Beacuse by the time I actually saw a doctor (about 4 hours later) the pain had gone away. So on top of being very, very tired I felt a little foolish.

Thursday, December 08, 2005
Come Out Wherever You Are

Internet I have only one question for you today, and unfortunately all the googling in the world won't answer it: WHAT THE HELL HAS HAPPENED TO ALL MY TEASPOONS? The knives, forks and tablespoons are all present & accounted for, none of them went AWOL. So why in the world would the teaspoons choose to disappear? Maybe they didn't choose to, maybe they were kidnapped and I just haven't received the ransom note yet. Hey what the fuck, that sounds as plausible as anything else. Seriously I'm down to 2. And I hate using that plastic crap. And I'm way too cheap to buy a whole new set of silverware. Even though the forementioned knives, forks and surviving spoons are all pretty nasty at this point. Why is it that when I moved I bought new everything but silverware? Oh yeah, I'm cheap.

UPDATE A FEW MINUTES LATER: OK I'm $70 poorer but now am the proud owner of some new spoons & stuff.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005
The Post About Bodily Functions

Holy fucking crap!

After months of non-stop pooping, bloating, cramps and all other kinds of gastric unpleasantness I have been diagnosed. How relieved (RELIEVED! GET IT?) am I? In order to get this diagnosis I had to go through the particular type of hell known as colonoscopy. Now the actual procedure itself is not so bad because you're asleep and they could be sticking bunny rabbits up your butt and you wouldn't know it. But before? You have to drink this incredibly nasty stuff to clear out your system and oh lord. Imagine the worst case of the runs you've ever had and multiply by 50. And then multiply THAT by 50. I have never experienced anything like that and I've been pooping my whole life. And then the gas after? I let one go that was so loud & volatile, the cat ran away from me. I'm afraid she's scarred for life. But now that's behind (BEHIND! GET IT!) me, hopefully the meds kick in & I can go back to having a life.

Monday, December 05, 2005
Sweet Dreams

Since I've been having these weird intense dreams about former flames you knew this was coming: I hadn't been in touch with the HS sweetie in a long while, I wasn't even sure the email address I had for him still worked. It does. He responded right away but only to tell me he'd catch me up later when he was on a real keyboard. God he still can't be THAT good looking could he?

Saturday, December 03, 2005
All My Loving

The last few nights I've had some very strange dreams involving old crushes, former lovers and ex boyfriends. Would be very interested in having those dream analyzed 'cause they were major weird. But today's post isn't about my odd nocturnal journeys down lovers lane, today's post is about a different kind of lover. About a person who has filled my life with so much joy and love. About a person who has given me so many reasons to be proud. And, of all her accomplishments (and there are many!) what makes me the proudest is what a kind, generous, thoughtful person she is. Did I mention smart & beautiful too? This wonderful person turns 21 tomorrow and I am so honored to be her aunt. Happy Birthday Pookie!

It's been all about me since 1963

Name: Lisa Ann
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