Wednesday, December 07, 2005
The Post About Bodily Functions

Holy fucking crap!

After months of non-stop pooping, bloating, cramps and all other kinds of gastric unpleasantness I have been diagnosed. How relieved (RELIEVED! GET IT?) am I? In order to get this diagnosis I had to go through the particular type of hell known as colonoscopy. Now the actual procedure itself is not so bad because you're asleep and they could be sticking bunny rabbits up your butt and you wouldn't know it. But before? You have to drink this incredibly nasty stuff to clear out your system and oh lord. Imagine the worst case of the runs you've ever had and multiply by 50. And then multiply THAT by 50. I have never experienced anything like that and I've been pooping my whole life. And then the gas after? I let one go that was so loud & volatile, the cat ran away from me. I'm afraid she's scarred for life. But now that's behind (BEHIND! GET IT!) me, hopefully the meds kick in & I can go back to having a life.

Anonymous Anonymous had this to say:

Oh my. See? that's what keeps me from going to the doctor. Cause I KNOW that that's what they'll need to do to me. BLEH. I don't know what is more hellish, living with a messed up GI tract or the tests necessary to DIAGNOSE and (possibly) correct the problem.
Life sucks.

12:19 PM 

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