Wednesday, May 02, 2007
As For Me

If you recall (and you must because I'm having problems linking - it was in Feb.) a few months ago I wrote about receiving an email from the HS sweetheart and not being sure how to respond to him -- so I didn't. And yesterday I got an email from him wondering why I didn't respond.

This is what I came up with:
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Why It’s Taken Me So Long To Respond To Your E-Mail

At first, I was really pissed at you. I cheated on you ONCE. ONE TIME. I didn’t even have sex with him. I can't believe you brought that up. 26 years later.

“I was no angel either” -- well then I was really pissed at you. Of course, I realize we are talking ancient history, water under the bridge, blah, blah.

For the record (and I looked this up in my diary from 1980) – we broke up months before I got with Brendan. And if it makes you feel any better, I cheated on him too (with his best friend no less) (which he totally forgave me for).

Then you really fucked me up by asking “how did my life turn out?” I was trying to answer and it got me to thinking, and man, did I get depressed. The more I thought about it, the worse I felt. So I did what I normally do when I don’t like something. I ignored it and hoped it would go away. Which it did. But I you were kind enough to answer my questions so I shall answer yours.

It’s funny that you said I was always driven and pretty much got what I wanted. . The truth is I never truly knew what I wanted. Still don’t. I know what I don’t want and go from there. Which, I know is totally ass backwards.

I was involved with someone for a very long time, someone I cared for and loved very much. Unfortunately he loved his drugs a little more than he loved me. Even after we weren’t romantically involved anymore we were very close until he died in 1996. I’ve found it hard to truly connect with anyone else since.

My parents died 6 years ago, 3 months apart. That was a very hard time in my life. Despite my rebellious teen years I was very close with them and still grieve their loss. My mother was a huge pain in my ass and what I wouldn’t give to hear her nag me once more.

Up until this past fall I had a job that I truly enjoyed and was good at. I was there for a long time; now I know I stayed too long. My company was sold and merged with several other magazines. I still have a job, but no longer have my job. I was demoted and hate it. HATE IT.

Now you know my sad tale of woe. Please don’t get me wrong – it’s not like I’m about to jump off a bridge. There are plenty of happy times and bright moments. It’s just that when I examine the choices I’ve made and think about all the people that are gone from my life it freaks me the hell out.


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1 Comments:
Blogger Tara Lynn Johnson had this to say:

Lisa Ann,

Thanks for sharing this. Now I know even more about you and I'm glad for that.

Losing people is tough. Dealing with choices you now don't like so much... worse.

And I'm so sorry about your relationship and the toll it has taken on you.

Hugs.

3:53 PM 

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It's been all about me since 1963

Name: Lisa Ann
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It's all about me. As it should be.


IT'S TIME (FOR ME) TO GET A LIFE!
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