Sometimes I make myself so mad I want to kick myself. Hard. Yesterday I was e-talking with my former crush, asking him about the area on the other side of the the Brooklyn Bridge. And he invited himself along for my planned jaunt. Which is great. I look forward to it. But instead of just thinking "That's nice, B. & will hang out, do something fun" and leave it at that, I have to go and start thinking "does this mean he's changed his mind and wants to be with me and who'se apt. should we sell when we move in together?" I mean, damn. Talking about setting myself up for disappointment. Why can't I ever just accept things at face value? Why can't I stop jumping the gun and let things happen? And it's not just this one time. I do it all the time, especially where the opposite sex is involved. I have this whole TOTALLY fabulous thing all worked out in my mind and then when it doesn't happen (hello? it's a fantasy) I'm heartbroken. Am I the only one who does this? I get so caught up in my pie-in-the-sky scenario that I don't grasp that maybe something great is happening right now, something that's actually real. I don't appreciate the moment. Why the hell do I think so much?
Since I have been thinking of B, I've always imagined (see what I mean?) that if this would be his song to me. We went to see the Jayhawks and they did this song and he was sitting right next to me and I kept waiting for him to grab my hand, look deeply into my eyes.... of course that didn't happen & I spent the rest of the show slightly depressed. What kind of fuck-up-ness is that?
I'm Gonna Make You Love Me
The world never ends
It's only the beginning
And we can't pretend
To discover it's meaning
We talked for hours at a time
Then I came to my senses
You're more than a friend
You're my perfect lover
I'll never be all you want me to
But that's all right
I'm gonna make you love me
I'm gonna dry your tears
And we're gonna stay together
For a million years
It's the least I can do
Just to make you my baby
No words could describe
Oh, pinch me I'm dreaming
Your hair's long and black
As it lays 'cross my pillow
When I stare in your eyes
I get lost in your glory
I'll never be all you want me to
But that's all right
I'm gonna make you love me
I'm gonna dry your tears
And we're gonna stay together
For a million years
When you were a little girl
Your great big world came tumbling down
So sad
Yeah, the river it bends
But it flows to the ocean
And baby here I am
I'm your sea of devotion
I'll never be all you want me to
But that's all right
I'm gonna make you love me
I'm gonna dry your tears
And we're gonna stay together
For a million years....
