I headed over to Jay's yesterday for a back yard bbq. What should have been a great day hanging out with friends wasn't. I was fucking bored out of my mind and I had to face the fact: I don't really like hanging out with these people anymore. I've been wrestling with these feelings for quite some time, hoping that something, anything would chase these thoughts from my head and it would be like it used to be. But something (me) has changed. I can't quite put my finger on it, but it's there. And I didn't want to be there. Not with them. I'm saddened by this, but also relieved. Relieved because I finally admitted to myself something that's been there a while but didn't want to acknowledge. There's alot of other crap floating around in my head about this that I really can't wrap my mind around right now so I think I'm going to go watch "Sleeper Cell" and hang with my cats.
