Today was a hellacious day. This a.m. I had to have a tesst my para-thryoid (don't even ask). I woke up an hour before I needed to with a wicked back ache. Then I had to get injected with radioactive dye and lay still on a metal table for 3 hours. I hadn't eaten anything all day, by the time I got out of there I was starving. Trying to get home was a fucking nightmare, thank you MTA. But that's not what I wanted to talk about today internet. What I want to talk about today is my mom. Being in the hospital, and seeing the cancer people getting their chemo brought back some pretty intense memories. My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer in the summer of 2000. She chose to do the chemo thing, even though her prognosis was not good. Man, the chemo made her sick. I mean REALLY SICK. My mom never handled illness well but this shit was crazy out of control. I didn't agree with her decision to do it, but it was her life. Literally. Anyway, between the chemo and other complications, my mom was not doing well. I was spending every weekend at her house. On this particular Saturday I awoke with such a bad back ache I am still amazed that I made it to her house. That morning my sister had taken my mom to the doctor. When they came home and she saw me sitting on the porch, in obvious physical agony, it was like she was filled with adrenaline, Mom adrenaline. She took care of me that weekend. The woman's body was filled with toxic chemicals and cancer up the wazoo but all that mattered to her was her little girl was in pain. And later on that night, when her body betrayed her yet again, I took care of her. Crippled and cancer ridden, we were quite the pair. I don't know who was more worried about who. The next day I went home and that was the last time I saw my mom. And I miss her. Every day. But I will always remember how when she saw me hurting she put all her problems aside and for one last time, turned into Super Mom.
