There have been four men in my life who I've had meaningful romantic relationships with. Guys who knew the real me and loved me anyway. Guys who bought me flowers for no other reason than they loved me. Guys who changed my life and have shaped my views on men, relationships and love in general.
The first was Ross (upper left). No one was more surprised than me when one of the cutest, nicest guys in school expressed interest in me. Someone who wanted to hang out with me for some other reason than trying to get into my (virgin) pants. It was August 79 and Ross would come down from upstate where he was spending the summer to hang out with me. Take me to the movies. Go to concerts with me. And kiss me. And kiss me. And kiss me. I would come home with razor burn chin and bruised lips. Once school started we were a certified and inseperable couple. Couple of horny kids. We engaged in some very public PDA's. Like the time we were in Central Park and were obliviously humping away until he came in his pants. The poor guy had to ride the subway home with a pantful of cum. After six months of doing everything BUT we had sex. It was like a door to a new world had opened up. But it wasn't just about the sex, we were in LOVE. Absolutely crazy in love. Like any other teenaged relationship eventually it ran its course and we broke up. I never regretted giving him my virginity or my love.
My relationship with Brendan (2nd rown right) started in the summer of '81. I knew him from HS, but didn't really know him. He had great long hair and was kinda a hippie guy. Not in a bad slacker way but in a cool nature loving way. One day, fortified with alot of vodka & grapefruit juice, I called his house (after calling and hanging up about a bazillion times - pre star 69 days). We talked for a while and he met me later that night. Pretty much from that night on we were together. Our first real "date" was to see "Raiders of the Lost Ark". My friend Christine came with us. He feel asleep during the movie and instead of being embarrassed I liked him even more for it. He really was his own man. He turned me on to fusion music and we really got into it. He also turned me on to a local fusion band, Nitesprite. We saw them hundreds of times. We hung out with Brendan's friends alot; I met alot of great people through Brendan. And that's where the problem started. He was friends with these two brothers, Mikey and Dick. Dick & I had some musical interests that the others didn't share and no one thought twice about Dick & I going to see some shows together. Until Dick & I slept together. I'll spare you all the nasty details but we were eventually busted. Bren & I split up, got back together back and forth like that for quite some time. Sometimes I was still sleeping with Dick, sometimes not. It was an ugly and unstable time in my life. The back and forth was so crazy, half the time I didn't know if I was coming or going. I really regret my actions, Bren was a really nice guy who I hurt. Alot.I talked to him a few weeks ago, and he told me that I had been the love of his life. Really sweet guy. But back to the back and forth. Finally we just stopped the craziness and made a break.
When we finally made the break I met a guy named Steve (middle). He was a buddy of a friend of mine and just had gotten out of the AF and had a tatoo. He was sweet and silly and was a way to put the whole Brendan thing behind me. He was a clean slate. Steve and I decided to move to Dallas. Here I was, moving halfway across the country with this guy I knew for like 3 months. We lived with some friends for a while and then played house on our own. That was when I started learning what it was like to be a grown up. We lived hand to mouth, penny to penny. We couldn't afford a phone. Or food sometimes. If someone needed to get a hold of me they needed to call my friends house, she would come over and give me the message. I think this really made us closer, it was us against the world. Then we decided to get married. Our families were not thrilled; that just strengthened our resolve that much more. We married in Dec. of 84. After returning to Dallas, I decided I didn't want to be away from my family anymore. I don't who was more surprised by that realization, him or me. So we packed up the UHaul, the cat and came back to NYC. And that's where it started to go wrong. It wasn't us against the world anymore. Soon I was a 22 year old divorcee.
Frank (aka Frank the Fox (bottom) was a friend of my sisters. I had a crush on him for years, since he was dating my best friends sister. He was smart, clever, funny and cute. He had puppy dog eyes that could melt the meanest heart. My sister gave him my # and there I was, sitting across from him, drinking margaritas. Frank had the reputation of ALWAYS being late (I'm talking hours, not minutes late) but he showed up on time and was so charming. He made me laugh and made me think. Soon we were pretty exclusive and he was never on time again. We spent the next six years together. We agreed that we just wanted to be together, not live together or get married. It was an arrangement that suited both us and we were very happy for a long time. I really don't know what happened or where we went wrong; we broke up. A while after that he needed a place to live and he moved in (I had an extra bedroom). It was a purely platonic relationsip. How ironic -- here we were, a platonic couple living together. He developed a nasty drug habit and things went downhill pretty fast. Six months after I kicked him out, he died. I chose to remenber the good times for there were many. This was my first adult relationship. He taught me that just because you were with someone, that someone didn't have to be your whole world. And that you could be lonely, even when you weren't alone.
And that internet, was my last meaningful romantic relationship. Years have passed, and other men have come and gone but none of them could hold a candle to these guys. I know I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to thoroughly, totally and completely love these men. And to have been thoroughy, totally and completely loved in return.
