You would never ever in a million years believe what humilation and disappointment I experienced tonight. My mind is numb. I know tomw I am going to feel worse than I do now, especially when I have to step into my office, where I was ready to get down on my knees to give this FUCKING ASSHOLE a blow job, only to have him reject me. IN MY OWN FUCKING OFFICE, WHERE I HAVE TO BE BE FOR 8 FUCKING HOURS A DAY.
So we meet. I'm nervous as hell, but we are having a drink, and chatting away, the conversation flowing freely. He is very funny and charming and all that. We get around to the reason that we are there. SEX. And that we wnat to have it. Often. With each other. We both agree that fornication is not going to happen tonight since I have my period, and I'm not about period sex. Neither is he so we decide to go back to my office so I can do him. Which is all kinda awkward. I mean, really now. But ok, I'm willing. We start kissing and groping and he stops and says he can't do this. Not because HE'S MARRIED but because I'm a smoker. And he's not. And can't stand the taste. GO TO FUCKING HELL. But I'm trying to be all cool and don't react much, just tell him he knew I was a smoker so....
We leave. He makes some lame ass joke, tells me he'll email me tomw, I tell him not to bother. He goes his way, I go mine. About 10 minutes later, I get the stupid ass idea to call him and tell him I'll willing to forgo smoking before I meet him.
And do you know what this prick says? I'll call you. AND SO FAR HAS NOT CALLED ME. FUCK YOU DICKHEAD. Here I am, willing to give up the nicotine to get laid and he blows me off.
I need to go to sleep now. God I hope I can sleep.
